


Ode to Blue

by Iv_y



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Banter, Bisexuality, Canon Compliant, Character Study, Commentary, Confident Han Jisung | Han, Conversations, Dialogue Heavy, Falling In Love, Feelings Realization, Fluff, Getting Together, Han Jisung | Han-centric, Hope, Internalized Homophobia, Light Angst, M/M, Self-Reflection, Sexuality Crisis, but not really a crisis, kind of, one comment that triggers jisung's train of thought
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-08
Updated: 2020-11-08
Packaged: 2021-03-09 02:34:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,524
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27457288
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Iv_y/pseuds/Iv_y
Summary: Jisung has an awakening during the shoot for the Blueprint MV(read the tags, don't trust this author with her summaries)
Relationships: Han Jisung | Han/Lee Minho | Lee Know
Comments: 25
Kudos: 231





	Ode to Blue

**Author's Note:**

> -It's almost been a month since my last fic and I blame the assignments piling up with each day for disrupting my creative flow. I'm working on a longer fic (how do people write long fics, help ;-;) but I managed to squeeze this one out between online classes so hope you guys like it. 
> 
> -This fic is set in the location for the Blueprint MV. 
> 
> English isn't my first language so feel free to correct me on an any grammatical errors. The first half is mostly internal monologues and then it becomes dialogue-heavy so if that isn't your cup of tea, I hope it's your cup of coffee? (Excuse my lame ass)
> 
> -Consider this my love letter to Blueprint- the song and just everything about the MV always manages to bring a smile on my face with how bright and beautiful it is and this is coming from someone who - as Changbin would phrase it - _loves dark_.
> 
> Happy reading!
> 
> (not edited)

_

“Do you think whatever we’ve achieved so far invalidates all of our individual struggles and the hardships we continue to endure because it’s something we got ourselves into and we’d only sound less grateful were we to complain?”

“Huh? Where is this coming from?” Hyunjin slightly shifts in his seat to convey that he’d heard Jisung’s silent question – which wasn’t really aimed at anyone - amidst the chatter, but his eyes keep darting back and forth between the members.

“This outfit seems so out of place on Chan, it’s blinding to look at him in all this white. Someone put him back in his all-black element, thank you very much!” Changbin makes a show of shielding his eyes and one of the stylists actually ponders over the statement, humming in agreement and they decide to pair the look with denim and not white pants. Chan sighs in relief but he visibly shrinks as if he were doubting his ability to pull off every look.

Jisung fiddles with the rings on his fingers.

“I don’t know. I read a comment from a fan saying we write songs about all this teenage angst and the uncertainty of adulthood, yet in comparison to most kids, we’ve found stuff we’re passionate about, travelled across countries, continue to do what we love so why do we _try to_ make our songs seem relatable when we’ve already done so much and have our life kind of mapped out? – something like that, yea and it made me think -”

“That’s not fair though. We’ve worked hard to get here and we continue to do so because there’s still so much more to achieve,” Hyunjin cuts him off and Jisung curls further in his seat.

“That’s not what-”

“Besides, why are you worrying about a comment when we’re on our way to a shoot? We can talk about it later yea? Savour the day.” Hyunjin throws an arm around him, pulling him into a side-hug which lasts for a brief second before he proceeds to coddle Jeongin on the other side, who gives in after multiple attempts at pulling away from the former’s incessant need to pinch his cheeks.

Jisung wasn’t necessarily worrying about the comment. He doesn’t focus on the tiny hint of internalised dissatisfaction and jealousy in its tone but it does make him wonder if they’re not being completely honest in their songs.

_They don’t have to?_ They’re not obligated in any way to portray the rawest of sentiments in order to be taken seriously. Jisung imagines the world wouldn’t be ready to face the depth of his emotions, not when he himself has a fear of penning down the thoughts that keep him up at night.

He questions himself on the daily if he’s even _allowed_ to feel pain when – like the comment suggests – he’s able to continue to do the things he loves with the people whom he cherishes. Is he?

Jisung is convinced that there’s not a single happy bone in him anyway so he doesn’t have to question why it’s so easy for him to feel down when he’s never really chased after happiness in the first place.

Even if he’s momentarily ecstatic each time they put out a new song or when they perform on stage, he’s aware that writing music always brings the negative to light. He has all this pent-up anger but no knowledge of its source; verses tailored to not sound as vague as his thoughts.

His gratitude is just veiled relief. Relief that they managed to make a hit out of lines that were just scribbles on the side of their notebooks at one point. A lot of his ideas get side-lined for being too depressing, too real and he isn’t mad about it.

It’d be concerning for the fans, they say but that’s not _his concern_ , he thinks?

He understands it’s all part of the stuff that’s _mapped out_ for them. They’re angsty enough already; they don’t need more songs of the same kind, or _deeper_ , to put them under a typecast so they go for a more hopeful slant with their lyricism.

In terms of company strategies, there’s this whole blueprint laid out for them and while they have an equal say in it, they’re simultaneously roped into this grand idea in which each member has their time to shine and make something for themselves.

_Changbin’s era, Hyunjin’s era_ , the fans keep saying, which is quite a smart thing to catch - something Jisung hadn’t thought of. They may be in it together and are viewed as this family of boys heading towards success and no one tries to stand out more than the other but it’s still a competition within the group, an individual chase at living a fulfilled life and the aspirations differ for everyone so it makes sense to subtly promote one member more than the rest.

He isn’t sure if it’s been fair for all the members though. At least so far.

Granted, some members aren’t as greedy as Jisung.

Greed. That’s definitely something which has fueled Jisung’s need to stand out. His loud and animated persona is carefully crafted and it does get the better of him on days when his anxieties sky-rocket and he’s reduced to a detached soul.

_He’s awfully quiet. Is he ok?_

The number of times the members had to explain on his behalf had been a bit embarrassing but he’s managed to get a hold of himself since then. His overly cocky self, shines because he doesn’t feel the need to be modest about his skills and he’s aware of what he brings to the group. The only time he doubts himself is when he’s removed from the equation of ‘Stray Kids’ and is simply viewed as Han Jisung.

What’s the blueprint for his life when he’s snatched off the responsibilities as a member? What kind of greed would consume him then?

He feels a kick to his shin and brings his eyes up from his phone, where he’d been typing his thoughts down, to find Minho point a stern look towards his legs.

_‘Oh,’_ Jisung mouths, not realising that they were shaking. He nods sheepishly and Minho’s gaze softens, tilting his head as if to ask if Jisung was okay or maybe he imagines it because he isn’t sure how transparent his face can be and Minho _likes to stare._ At Jisung specifically. But he’s used to it and does nothing about it.

The members continue to joke around and recall random wardrobe malfunctions, eyes swimming with traces of nostalgia and a sense of pride for having come this far, not being fazed anymore when their pants rip on stage or when their mics fall off, bleeding professionalism at every moment but managing to have fun.

Are they having fun though?

He chooses to look down at his phone when it’s announced that they’d reach the location for the shoot in about fifteen minutes, and types

_Is everyone happy except me?_  
_I'm so curious about it_  
_Or am I the only child who doesn't know how to hide it yet?_

_~ - ~_

“This fits my vibe,” Seungmin sighs in contentment, stretching his limbs before climbing the ladder.

_He looks so peaceful_ , Jisung muses.

“I don’t think we’ve ever recorded something this bright and soulful,” he continues to say, not able to hold back his smile when the scenery embraces them in warmth and Jisung has to admit it’s rather blissful – the way the clear sky wipes away all the murkiness that crawls up his body every time he’s surrounded by the crew in action, everyone in their own rush of getting a good job done.

One of the staff members hands a neatly-crafted paper-plane to Seungmin who doesn’t hesitate to aim it at Jisung, eyes squinting before launching it towards him.

Jisung laughs when it reaches nowhere close to him. From where he’s seated on the bed of grass, he watches as it lands by Seungmin’s feet. The staff member picks it up and wordlessly hands it back to him.

“Sorry,” he mutters, eyes casted downwards in embarrassment.

“Are you saying, we’ve been soul _-less_ all this while, with our concepts?” Jisung plucks at the weeds and collects them at his side.

“You have to admit, the edginess sometimes feels forced. It did for me at least. Other times, we tried to push the ‘cute’ agenda forward. We do pull everything off, not going to lie. You guys definitely fit the dark concepts more than I do though, so yeah, this feels like a breath of fresh air for me. This feels mature and not cutesy.” The staff ask him to make a couple of poses to get the angles right, guiding him through the ‘feel’ of what they’re going for with his shot.

“Are you saying you’re mature and not cute?” Jisung humours.

“I’ve always been mature _and_ cute but I wasn’t sure if I was ever in my element, I wasn’t able to shine,” he states simply and before Jisung can argue, he’s called in to get some finishing touches on his make-up done. He throws a thumbs-up Seungmin’s way who already seems immersed in the role as they play the track in the background.

He wouldn’t call it a _role_ per se but maybe he gets where Seungmin’s coming from. Usually they have an overall concept and then there’s individualistic ones which allow the members to get into character and offer a narrative for songs that _they_ wrote.

He spares one last glance towards Seungmin and there’s no denying that the boy definitely shines as bright as day and when Jisung turns to one of the cameramen and asks what they’re aiming for, he says it like it’s so simple:

“Be yourself.”

If that’s what he’s supposed to work with, it’s funny when Jisung is brought to his first set and he’s met with the sight of mirrors.

A minimalistic set-up with small mirrors hanging in front of his face and it’s almost symbolic, the way they’re all pitched at disparate heights as if it were reflecting the different sides to him.

He assumes it has something to do with confronting his different personas or maybe it’s the poet in him looking for an underlying meaning in everything. He allows the track being played in the background to push his thoughts in a direction that might allow him to emote better. It needs to show on his face; he wants to be honest.

_Watch me right now,_

_I scream out loud_.

(Who is he trying to convince when he knows there’s a sadistic part in him that can’t wait for the day he crumbles and falls to the ground? - And it will have nothing to do with the people who wished to see them fail. He’s driven to not let himself break that easily though.)

When the staff tell him that they’re only going to use about fifteen seconds worth of footage from this segment, he treats it with equal amount of competence and nails the bit in two takes.

He doesn’t want to stare at the reflecting surfaces for another second and become conscious that his make-up stands out a bit too much for his skin- tone in comparison to the rest of the members but he loves the way his hair is coiffed and couldn’t be more grateful for the invention of hair spray because the day just gets more windy with each passing minute.

He's granted a break before moving on to the next set.

He wants to stand in and monitor every member’s individual shots because there’s something about the way the subdued plains and outfits blend with the vibrant blue of the sky and the props used that has him want to watch the way that beauty shines off of his groupmates.

He’s so enraptured by the picturesque view; he could write ten different songs describing the emotion it evokes in him.

“ _Watch me do what I want!_ ” Is the only warning he gets before someone sidles up from behind him and tugs at the string wrapped around his waist, making the shrug he’s wearing, slip off one side of his shoulder.

“Fuck! Hyung, you scared me,” he startles when Minho appears before him, giggling.

He continues to hum the song and sway, a light bounce to his steps as he twirls around and there’s a teasing glint in his eyes that causes Jisung to scoff but he sings along nonetheless

“ _Just leave me alone,”_ Jisung pleads dramatically, looking up at the sky. Minho stops dancing and stares at his own hand still clasped around the string. When he looks up at Jisung from under his lashes, he wants to sigh because, _wow._ That’s all his mind supplies when Minho’s fingers crawl further up to reach the loops on his shirt and in one quick motion, jerks Jisung forward, pulling at the string.

“ _You try to stop me but I go one step forward, babe,_ ” he whispers and takes a step closer, like they aren’t standing too close already.

Usually Jisung would make a comment or scowl in mock-disgust, maybe even get all up in Minho’s face to watch the latter get flustered because _oh_ , he loves to watch the boy immediately regret his actions, colour dusting his cheeks.

But he isn’t feeling it today. He stares and stares, bringing his hand up, blocking the heat emanating from both, the sun and Minho’s eyes watching him. It’s beautiful, the way he could get lost in them. He recalls the first time he’d laid eyes on Minho and immediately understands why Taeyang Sunbaenim had chosen a short yet impactful song-title like

EYES, NOSE, LIPS

-because that’s the intensity with which Jisung is hit every time he sneaks a glance Minho’s way.

Minho clears his throat and opens his mouth to say something in order to fill the silence but thinks otherwise, lips forming a pout in confusion. Before Jisung can explain himself, Changbin makes his way between them.

“Quit flirting on set,” He turns to Jisung. “Your turn to get on top of that shit,” he points his thumb in the direction of the big, white cuboidal structure.

Minho doesn’t pull away, hands coming to tie the string around Jisung’s waist securely as Changbin and him bicker.

“I bet my ass you can’t go stand up there all by yourself,” he snickers at Minho who only rolls his eyes in return.

“Please, it’s not that high.”

When the staff call out Jisung’s name, he shouts to announce his arrival. He places his hands atop Minho’s a second longer than necessary before walking past the both of them.

He’s caught up in his own head once again, when he reaches the top of the structure. It isn’t too far above the ground but his legs stay rooted to the center, staring far off into the deserted land, the crew and members below, turning blurry in his vision. He can hear instructions being directed at him and he nods without paying much heed to what was being told.

He finds comfort in feeling disassociated sometimes, his mind wandering off to places that don’t really provide him with answers to his never-ending quest to know the truth, the source of his anger and frustration. The truth that lay in his future, the potential he holds. They may be handed a blueprint to work their way of accomplishing the things they’ve always dreamt of but he wishes to break free from anything that has been _planned_ beforehand. He’s firm on his word of wanting to find his own path, at his own pace. It’s exciting.

Yeah, okay maybe he’s sentimentally driven by the location for the shoot and the lines blaring through the speakers for this particular shot but he can’t help but think you know? This hopeful and optimistic tone they’re working with, tied to the song and the joyous draft of the music video – It’s almost romantic. Their days always run wild with the anticipation of tomorrow, that for once, Jisung feels like he’s allowed to take a breath.

“Cut!”

The director tells him that he did great and Jisung’s pleased with himself. Seungmin and Jeongin join him and the maknae pokes his side.

“You look like you’re planning to set up home in this location and move in after a couple of years.”

Jisung gasps. “You read my mind!”

“Not sure if Minho hyung would appreciate the scenery as much though,” the younger teases and Jisung is used to this by now but he still lets the denial seep through and allows practiced oblivion to cross his features.

“Oh great. We can avoid meeting the two with the excuse of having to drive so far,” Seungmin offers, coming to sit beside Jisung who shoots him an unimpressed look.

“You guys make it seem like it’s all laid out in a signed contract.”

“It’s called a marriage.”

“Yeah, you’d know since you guys got divorced.”

“Jealous much?”

“Why would I be jealous of things not working out?”

“Because at least I got a taste.”

It’s a joke. Jisung knows it’s a joke but he still gets annoyed when Seungmin laughs.

“Wow, your face fell so fast. Try not to make it so obvious, dude.”

“I hate you guys.”

“Hey, I didn’t say anything,” Jeongin points, his eyes crinkling to show that he’s both amused and maybe even slightly confused.

“You started it,” Jisung punches his shoulder.

“I’m just saying, if there’s anyone who’d voluntarily choose to live with you and can handle you at your worst, it’s probably Minho hyung.”

_No one asked,_ he wants to say but bites his tongue when he hears the aforementioned from down below.

“ _Han-ah!”_ He peeks down to watch the boy try to wink at Jisung but the sunlight hitting Minho makes him all squinty-eyed and there’s a pained grin plastered on his face. Jisung raises an eyebrow at him.

“I’ll catch you if you fall babe!”

Right after he says it, his face twists into that of annoyance when Chan hoots and smacks Changbin’s back who only gawks at Minho for being shameless in front of the whole damn crew by actually giving into the silly dare.

Jisung grumbles under his breath when Seungmin and Jeongin try their best not to cackle.

~-~

Jisung had consciously tried to avoid conversation all day long because he was feeling inspired and didn’t want anyone to disrupt his train of thought which was all over the place anyway. They’re almost done with the shoot so he finds himself a rock to sit on and watches the sea. It’s a pretty beach. The kind you see in dramas where the couple decide to impulsively plan a getaway trip and then there’s a montage of them playing around on the sand, being twirled around in each other’s arms, threats of being dipped into the water – all that mushy, annoying shit that Jisung secretly loves.

He sits a couple of feet away from the crew gathered around to shoot the bits that include scenes with Chan and Minho and watches as the director coos at the banter that flows naturally between the two and then quickly proceeds by asking them to shut up and _let the eyes do all the talking._

Jisung snickers when he watches the two exaggerate the look in their eyes, mirroring each other and moving their heads in a manner that oddly resembles the pigeons that usually take shelter by his sill.

He hears the shuffling of feet before someone plops down beside him.

“I won’t be loud, I swear.”

“I didn’t even say anything,” Jisung turns to Changbin whose eyes are already trained on the older members.

They sit in silence for a couple of minutes but knowing Changbin, Jisung knows a question is right at the tip of his tongue.

“So, I read this comment the other day…,” Changbin starts and Jisung turns to face him, rolling his eyes.

“So, you’re going to pretend to coincidentally bring up the same comment that has been sitting on my mind and get me to have a heart-to-heart?”

The older boy looks guilty, a sheepish smile a dead give-away.

“You seriously think I haven’t figured that you’d ask Hyunjin why I seem ‘off’?”

“ _Are you_ feeling ‘off’?

“No, quite the opposite actually. I’m positively pleased to know that there’s this new drive in me.”

“Okaaay? Then why are you brooding?” Changbin shoots him a wary glance.

“Brood-I’m not? Anyway, you read that comment too, right?”

“Yeah, it’s not that deep.”

“I know but it makes me think of more topics to cover while writing. We’re not _trying_ to be relatable, are we?”

“You know how much time and effort I put into writing. You think I’m doing that just for people to empathize? Nah man. I want to be heard, I want to be able to convey what I feel in a manner where it seems like they’re getting to know me, make them want to get to know me better. Not just someone to read the lyrics and be like, ‘hah. _Mood_.’”

“But are you honest?”

“I try to be,” Changbin winces slightly as if he didn’t want to doubt himself any further. He looks up to get a read on Jisung’s face.

“Why? Are you lying about something?”

“Not necessarily lying,” Jisung shrugs.

“Then what? _Hiding_ , maybe?” Changbin offers and Jisung finds himself meeting the former’s gaze head-on.

“You think I’m hiding something?” It’s rare for Jisung to come off as someone who is intimidating when he’s not on stage or in the recording booth, flexing his talent, so when Changbin looks away, he wonders if he’s caused the other to look for the right words before proceeding with caution.

“We all have internal battles we’re too shy to share with the world, I guess,” he mumbles and Jisung hums in agreement.

“I think the only one who doesn’t seem to go through some emotional turmoil is Minho hyung.”

_Oh, what a smooth segue_ , Jisung tsks in his head.

“Did he say so?”

“No, but I think everyone – even the fans - assume that, because the dude keeps to himself mostly and has a pretty cool head on his shoulders.” There’s something calculative in Changbin’s voice and Jisung thinks _two can play the oblivious game._

“I don’t think so.”

“Yeah, you’d know.”

“No, actually you would since he’s closer to you and Channie hyung.”

“You sure you can vouch for that when you guys are pretty much attached at the hip?”

“He has a soft corner for me but he’s not exactly open with me.”

“ _Ah, so you’re aware_.” Jisung turns to glare at the boy who only laughs, like he knows something that Jisung doesn’t but he can take a guess ok! “You think _he’s_ hiding something?” he teases.

“I’ll ask him myself,” Jisung huffs.

“It’s a pretty romantic day,” Changbin states randomly. Jeez.

“So? What are you implying?” Jisung leans forward, elbows resting on his knees as he continues to stare ahead, not wanting to indulge further because he knows where this is going…again and he knows Changbin knows too because the older boy chuckles.

“My bad. Just kidding.” He’s not. He just knows when not to push, sensing the tone of aggravation in Jisung’s voice.

“Yea, yea, that’s what everyone ends up saying, as if subtly or even blatantly calling us out for our closeness doesn’t make things awkward for hyung and me.”

“You and Minho hyung? Awkward? You sure that’s possible?”

“No, we’re usually not but it just makes it difficult to actually talk about these things seriously.”

“Huh…you’re being kind of vague. What ‘things’?”

“Exactly my point,” he sighs. “You guys – this whole industry – makes a joke or even push boundaries between two people in the name of fan service, what with all the pepero games and passing-paper-mouth-to-mouth mumbo jumbo, but they can’t entertain the possibility of two guys being together in a non-platonic way. It’s really not fair ‘coz it can get confusing for some people. What if they have a sexual awakening during one of those games when they realise the discomfort comes more from a place of fear?”

“What, like someone has an awakening right in the middle of having sticky notes removed from their face with another member’s teeth?”

That’s oddly specific. Where has Jisung seen that before?

“Yeaa?”

“You’re saying someone’s going to be like _‘oh, his face is really close to mine, I have this urge to lean forward and kiss but we’re on national television so never mind. Oh wait! Where did that thought come from?’_ ”

“If you laugh, I’ll actually hit you,” Jisung knows it kind of sounds absurd and he can feel his stoic face breaking.

“Or like, someone pops a boner during a round of ‘guess the member, by touching their body parts, blind-folded?’” You can tell Changbin is having too much fun with this.

“Hyung _stop_ ,” Jisung laughs along with him, not because it’s funny. It’s just funny when Changbin words it like that. “You know what I mean,” he whines.

“Yeah, yeah, I get it man.” A comfortable silence settles between the both of them and Jisung feels like a weight got lifted off his shoulder. He knows Changbin’s pretty open-minded even if none of the members have openly discussed these things. Not that Jisung’s consciously thought about it either.

“So, which one of us do you think has had an awakening?” There’s genuine curiosity in the older boy’s voice.

“I can’t speak for the others obviously because there’s a thin line between being platonic and knowing what’s platonic _for you_. It’s like how do I separate the two? I’m pretty comfortable kissing the member’s cheeks and I’ve done it publicly as well and most of you recoil in mock-disgust but we’re affectionate behind cameras and don’t want our actions to be taken out of context when in front of ‘em. For me, it’s all the same because _I’m_ aware it doesn’t come from a place of interest.”

“You still haven’t answered my question.”

_Have you had an awakening? –_ it’s silent of course but Jisung hears it loud and clear.

“What question?” Jisung smirks knowingly on looking at the crease forming between Changbin’s eyebrows. “Maybe be more specific? Use your words.”

“Quit testing my patience by being a little bich. Tell meeee.” Oh god. Whiny, baby-Changbin has made an appearance.

“Well Lix once pointed out - or I think he read a comment from a fan - saying that I'm not as openly affectionate with Minho as compared to how I am with the rest of the members. With you, I know we have this whole rapper rivalry shit going on and you don't baby me but I'd still kiss you in front of the cameras without hesitation but when it comes to Minho? I tend to be more subtle? It's where I draw the line I guess, not because I know things run deeper than that. I mean I don't know but here’s what I do know. I know the way Minho looks at me is _different._ ”

“That’s ‘ _hyung’_ for you but okay,” he scolds. “Different, yes but is it unfamiliar?”

“I think that’s a conversation I’d like to have with the person himself, first.”

“Ugh. Boring! You can be really reserved when you want to, you know that?” he can tell there’s no actual bite in Changbin’s words.

“I’m always reserved,” he points.

“Nah, you pretty much wear your heart on your sleeves. Has anyone ever told you that?”

They have, yes. But lately Jisung’s learnt to organize his thoughts first and not just unload all his problems and worries on his members. It’s not that he can’t rely on them. He just wants to be able to understand what’s worrying him in the first place.

Why did the comment posted by the fan trigger his need to reflect on himself? Would writing a song about, say, _internalised homophobia_ maybe, count as something more relatable and honest? Is it a struggle he can openly talk about?

_Discovering yourself_ is this whole niche under song-writing but discovering your sexuality? You got to be metaphorical as fuck to write something like that so that it’s accepted in a society like the one Jisung lives in. While he’s more about raw emotions, he needs them to be equally structured so that he can understand himself first; not leave it open for multiple interpretations and find an answer through fan-theories.

Oh, it’s a struggle indeed. One that requires you to break free from the planned blueprint. He feels a little rebellious.

From where he’s sitting, Jisung catches Minho look in his direction for a fraction of a second, before he ducks shyly, wearing that god-awful half smile, having noticed that Jisung was already looking his way.

He can sense that this doesn’t skip past Changbin, eyes moving back and forth between him and Minho. He chooses not to say anything about it.

They can hear the laughter that echoes from the shoot, as it's being wrapped up before the final bits but there’s time for that because it needs to be shot a little past sunset. The light still catches on Minho’s outfit, making it see-through and wait a second!

“Why didn’t I notice his outfit before?”

“Prolly ‘coz you were too busy swimming in his eyes,” Changbin snorts and then adds “It does look really pretty on him, won’t deny.” When Jisung hums, eyes still transfixed on Minho’s frame and the cropped top he’s donning, Changbin mutters “Don’t tell him I said that. Please, god no.”

“Is that mesh?”

“Yeah.”

“ _Fuck._ ”

_~ - ~_

“You seem very comfortable here,” Minho makes his way to where Jisung is still seated on his rock.

Yes, it’s his designated rock now, he’ll probably even carve his name on it before leaving the place.

“I am. Are you?” He smiles lazily, looking up to see Minho rooted in his spot, standing with a confused look on his face.

“Uh, yea?” He still doesn’t make a move to sit beside Jisung.

“You look pretty today.” It’s a thought that enters his head. It’s words that come out of Jisung’s mouth just as easily.

“Th-thanks.”

Jisung raises an eyebrow, smiling in amusement because

“Thanks? Not your usual _‘I’m always pretty’_?”

“I don’t sound like that,” Minho complains, eyes narrowing.

“Yeah okay but you act like that,” Jisung counters causing the other boy to huff as if to say, _I was caught off-guard ok, please spare me._

“Act,” Minho drones, under his breath and casts his eyes downwards. Their toes touch and Jisung kind of just wants to take his shoes off, grab Minho’s hand and run on the sand.

Minho notices the way Jisung’s fingers reach forward to tug at his bracelet, subtly brushing against the material of his outfit.

“You know if you want to touch, you can just ask,” the way a smirk crawls up Minho’s face doesn’t faze him because it falls just as quickly when Jisung drops his hold on the bracelet and lets his hands slide up Minho’s sides instead.

The older boy splutters, body going rigid at the contact. As if on instinct, he looks behind them to see if anyone is watching and Jisung wants to ask

_why? What are you afraid of, that people will see?_

Jisung’s eyes fall on the mesh yet again. He pinches the fabric and hums in wonder. It feels just as good as it looks. A picture of Minho in just a mesh outfit without the layered cropped top fills his mind and there’s this growing itch to see more, touch more, _know more._

“What is up with everyone today,” he murmurs, fingers coming to rest on Minho’s hip-bone, absent-mindedly tapping a beat.

“Huh?” Minho sounds a little breathless, which causes Jisung to look up and _fuck,_ why does he look pained? Why does it fill Jisung with pride?

“Everyone teasing me about you. About us.” He lets his hands travel further up and he hears Minho suck in a breath, muscles tensing beneath his fingertips.

There’s a beat of silence before

“Does it bother you?” It’s barely audible, the way Minho’s voice drops and Jisung doesn’t want to question why he hears a tinge of insecurity in his words.

“No, it’s just that they don’t realise the seriousness of it.”

“We’re not serious people.”

“We are, when it comes to work.”

“So, I’m placed along with work?”

“No, you’re more than that.”

“You don’t mean that,” Minho sounds too sure about it.

“Okay, you’re right.” Both of them scoff and Minho squirms when Jisung’s hand sneaks its way to the small of his back. He uses his other hand to pull at the hem of Minho’s crop top and tries to shove his head under but he miscalculates the length and now he pretty much just rests his face on the mesh while the top tickles his hair.

“ _Jisung,”_ Minho warns when Jisung turns his head, mouth brushing against his stomach through the fabric. He pulls away only to look up at Minho’s lips caught between his teeth, eyes almost pleading.

“ _You’re so pretty,_ ” he moans against Minho’s skin.

“You already said that-ow! Did you just pinch me?”

“Hyung, do you like me?”

“Alright! I have to stop you there,” Minho pulls away suddenly, ears turning red. He scratches the back of his neck, laughing nervously at the absurdity of the situation.

“Don’t like it when the questions are directed at you huh?”

“I never said that,” Minho shoots him a glare and Jisung leans back, resting his weight on his hands. He watches as Minho’s eyes express at least five different emotions before settling into his usual stone-face, looking away when Jisung catches on to the thoughts swirling in his head.

“I hate it when you do that,” Minho soullessly speaks into the air, still not meeting Jisung’s eyes. “You have this thing you do with your voice when you speak to me, like you’re spelling stuff out for me to understand better, like I don’t know it already. Do I have to remind you that I’m older than you?”

_Ha! So, this is why he doesn’t open up to me as easily_ , Jisung thinks to himself. It’s an ego thing, he assumes.

“Using your age above my head seems pretty uncharacteristic of you, _hyung._ But sorry if that upset you? I've never tried to come across as someone who's figured things out before you and if I sounded that way, you've let me get away with it so you sure, it’s not just you letting me speak that way with you? Or who knows, maybe you like it when I’m the one who leads-”

He doesn’t get to complete his sentence before Minho cuts him off, eyes meeting his, clearly indignant when he says

“Stop it.”

“ _Hyung._ ” Jisung stresses and his chest tightens because he’s not even trying to rile the older boy up but for some reason, he looks so conflicted and Jisung doesn’t understand why.

“God, I’m mad at you.”

“But what did I do?”

“I don’t know, I’m just mad.”

“You can’t stay mad for long.” Minho’s raises a brow, like it’s a challenge he’d take up. “You can’t stay mad at _me,_ ” he feels the need to emphasize. It’s at this point, Minho sighs and chooses to sit down beside Jisung.

“And why is that? Why is it that I can’t stay mad at you for long?” Jisung isn’t sure if the question is directed at him or Minho, himself.

“’Coz I’m cute?” He presses his index finger to his cheek and internally cringes at his attempt to quell the weight that settled between them.

Minho rolls his eyes in reply and scoffs

“You speak about wanting to discuss things seriously and then proceed to pull shit like that.” He shakes off the hair falling on his eyes to look up at the sky.

“Well, I didn’t know you’d be this distressed by having a serious conversation with me.”

“That’s coz we don’t do serious. We _can’t_ be serious.”

Why does Jisung feel like Minho’s words carry more meaning than what he’s trying to project? But whatever the implication may be, he doesn’t like it. He feels like a kid two seconds away from stomping his feet on the ground and getting his way with what he wants.

“Why?”

“It’s too early.”

“Who says so?”

“First of all, I don’t even know if you’re gay. I don’t think even _you_ know if you’re gay.”

Jisung smiles at this. Turns out, they are on the same page, despite being obscure with their words. Also, Minho’s right.

“Are you?”

“I haven't analysed it too much but I like both boys and girls,” the look on Minho’s face suggests he’s surprised they’re even having this talk.

“Then I probably do too.”

“In which world does that make sense?”

“What, I can’t be bi?”

“Y-you can’t just decide that out of the blue.”

“Why not?” Minho looks like he wants to argue but his shoulders slump, realising there really is no point to this.

“Fine. Who’s to say what the right way of coming to identifying yourself is anyway?” He throws his arms up in surrender. “Cool. I’m bi, you’re bi.”

“Hi,” Jisung puts his hand out and Minho stares at it in disdain.

“That was lame, even for you Ji,” he pats Jisung’s head who directs his gaze to his feet.

They allow the quiet to engulf them and Jisung finds himself feeling inspired yet again. The sound of the waves washing off the shore, brings with it a sense of relief. He wishes this moment could last a little longer but the sun’s setting and for now, Jisung is content knowing that maybe Minho had wished for the same, if the way his feet stay planted despite Chan calling them over, is anything to go by.

A strong breeze causes Minho to shudder, arms coming to wrap around himself and Jisung gives his outfit another once-over.

“I guess looking that pretty comes with a price, huh?”

“I will actually throw you into the fucking ocean.”

_~ - ~_

“You looked pretty cosy back there with Minho hyung,” Felix whispers into his ear in the middle of the shoot and Jisung plasters the most obnoxious smile on his face, throwing his arm around the younger boy (yeah, okay it’s only by one day) as the cameras keep rolling.

“It was really cute. Anything special happen? Should I bake some brownies for the occasion?” Felix squeals when Jisung pokes his sides and it must show on his face that all this teasing was getting under his skin because right then they hear a warrior cry from the side and before they can find the source, Minho comes in between them, swoops Felix in his arms, twirling him around and threatening to drop him on the bed of sand.

“Mercy, mercy!” No one comes to save him even as they gather around the two. When Chan makes his way towards them, Felix looks hopeful, arms reaching out and asking to be rescued as Minho continues to giggle heartily. The older members share a look before Chan offers

“You hold his hands; I’ll hold his legs and we’ll swing him into the sea.” They hear Felix gasp

“ _Traitor!_ ” Changbin yells something along the lines of _don’t worry princess, I’ll save you_ to which the freckled boy dramatically sighs _my hero_.

Jisung smiles in adoration because he’s suddenly filled with a sense of comfort, something peaceful washing over him as he looks around. God, he loves this family and Jisung doesn’t doubt if he’d be taken seriously, were he to talk about things that plague his mind, knowing that he’s got seven members who’ve got his back even if they joke around half the time.

“Hey,” Hyunjin sidles up beside him, throwing an arm around his shoulder.

“Hey Jin?” the taller boy hums “You know I love you right?” Jisung smiles when Hyunjin punches him playfully.

“Ew, take that confession somewhere else. You already broke my trust by laying your eyes on the sister-in-law,” he pouts and Jisung laughs out loud before feigning shock.

“Blasphemy!” he places a hand on his heart, making puppy eyes when Hyunjin only _pffts_ and rolls his eyes at Jisung’s antics like he himself isn’t the definition of dramatic.

They walk side-by-side, stretching a leg out to trip the other, a couple of times, when Felix squeezes between the two and declares

“Let’s trade lovers!”

Before Jisung can question him, Felix interlocks his hands with Hyunjin and marches ahead, leaving him with a very satisfied (but definitely blushing) Minho.

“Already cheating on me, huh?” He sneaks a glance sideways and Jisung pulls Minho closer by the waist causing the latter to trip over his own feet, pulling a face like he’s tired of Jisung being loud in his actions.

“All these accusations,” Jisung sighs. “When you know I only have eyes for you.”

“Uh-huh,” Minho tuts but Jisung catches the way his eyes crinkle, front teeth poking between his lips and that right there, makes him melt. When someone – probably Chan – coughs from behind them, they don’t even try to hold back a smile, cheeks hurting from how giddy they feel.

Jisung moves his hand up to rest on Minho’s shoulder instead and they look ahead, not realising the camera had stopped rolling. In that moment, he wasn’t a member of Stray Kids, someone willing to sacrifice the depths of his desires to carve a future designed by others.

He was simply Han Jisung – a boy willing to take responsibility for falling in love, for he knew his future was bright.

_~ - ~_

Everything was wrapped up. The members and the crew rejoiced a successful shoot with dinner, eating to their heart’s content.

“This location was picked by your leader himself and I can tell why. You kids seemed to have a lot of fun. Since your schedule isn’t that tight at the moment, I’ve made some arrangements and let you guys set up camp for the night instead of resorting to hotel rooms. We can leave tomorrow morning, if that’s fine?” The manager proposes and the boys hoot in choruses of _‘fuck yesss!!!’_

Jisung breathes a sigh of relief because he didn’t want to bid farewell to the place just yet. From beside him, Hyunjin raises his hand

“Can we pick who we get to share a tent with?” He sounds hopeful and Jisung wants to pry further.

“What’s the fun in that?” Chan pulls out a bowl of chits and the members groan.

“I swear if I end up with Chan, I’m going to regret not carrying ear plugs with me,” Changbin says, huffing and crossing his arms over his chest before volunteering to be the first one to draw a paper.

Only four of them take turns and Jisung hears Minho jump restlessly, contemplating his pick. Something seems to change in his mind and he decides to swap the chit he’d chosen, for another one, at the last minute.

“You finally sure about this one?” Chan tries to hide the amusement but his eyes turn into crescents when Minho grumbles under his breath. “Alright let’s see what the results are!” He claps his hands like some game-show host and Seungmin snorts

“This is stupid.”

“Oh great,” Jeongin drawls, rolling his eyes when he gets Seungmin.

“I can’t believe that the universe is actually against me,” Changbin rips the paper and throws it at Chan’s face who laughs, already feeling guilty. The rest get caught up, finding the situation hilarious, Seungmin teasing the maknae while Chan promises that he won’t snore, as if that’s something he can control.

Jisung notices Minho from the corner of his eye, as he peeps into his own paper, before quickly folding it back, smiling to himself.

“I swear to god if you got my name on there, I’m going to get goosebumps,” Jisung’s eyes widen the same time Felix crashes into Hyunjin with a hug, shouting in joy. Minho stifles a goofy grin

“Yeah, I got you.”

_~ - ~_

It takes longer than necessary for them to set the tents up and by the end of it, everyone’s drained, jumping into their sleeping bags almost immediately.

Jisung didn’t really look into it too much when Seungmin threw him a knowing glance, when Changbin snickered at Minho hesitating or when Chan said ‘no funny business.’

But god is the tension thick as they lie down side-by-side in the tent, arms brushing against each other.

“This is awkward,” he points.

“Why?” It’s Minho’s turn to watch him in amusement.

“I’ve got like a hundred thoughts running through my mind right now.” Minho turns to face him, resting on his right hand.

“Hmm, spell them out for me then,” the older boy lets the words drag, allowing it to almost taunt Jisung. He shuts his eyes to collect himself but the pictures his mind paints in his head causes his breath to hitch and he turns almost immediately, fearing that the other would have access to his brain due to the close proximity. He allows Minho to lazily rake his eyes over Jisung’s face and he tells himself he’s used to this but he really isn’t. Not when they can’t act oblivious anymore when the truth was out, knowing that he’d voluntarily signed up for this.

“I have to get out of here.” He assumes this declaration conveys everything because Minho falls back on his back, stretching his arms above.

“What do you have in mind?”

“I want to go to my rock.”

“Your rock? I didn’t see your name on it.”

“Yet.” He watches as Minho ponders over it and Jisung almost wants to laugh at the contemplative look on his face as he rubs his chin. “Aren’t you supposed to be the older and wiser one, telling me this is risky.” Minho flicks his forehead for no reason.

“Do I look like someone who knows what he’s doing?”

“Yes?” Jisung looks at him funny because yes, Minho is the most self-assured person he’s met and is always aware of his actions and words in every step he takes, even when he chooses not to say or do anything.

“Well, you’re wrong,” Jisung can’t tell in the dark, if the glint in Minho’s eyes is bashful admittance but it’s confirmed when he adds “Maybe I do like it when you _lead_.”

It fills Jisung with an emotion he can’t decipher but his body knows better and seems to act on its own accord. He grabs a blanket and his slippers from the side and asks Minho to do the same.

He unzips the tent and peeks to check if the coast is clear. Minho sticks his head out from above him and when Jisung turns, his face is mere inches away. He involuntarily wets his lips and catches the way Minho’s eyes turn dark at the movement; his own turning glassy when Minho offers a promising smile.

“You’re right,” he whispers. “Let’s get out of here.”

__

Jisung doesn’t know who initiates it. All he remembers is fingers clasped in his own, tugging at his hand, feet tip-toeing on the cool sand, shared sniggers of restrained excitement when Minho trips yet again and suddenly his back is pressed against a rock – he isn’t even sure if it’s ‘his rock’ – and the words

_“You sure about this?”_ are spoken right against his lips.

He answers a simple _yeah_ into the kiss.

And Jisung thinks yup. He’s fucked. How is he ever going to be able to keep his hands away from Minho now that he knows what it feels like when the older boy turns putty in his arms, shuddering when Jisung drags his fingers up his spine.

“Kind of wish you were wearing your outfit from today right now,” he whispers, as his hands roam over the expanse of Minho’s back. The chuckle that escapes the latter, tickles his lips, breath so sweet, Jisung could get high off it.

“What’s up with you and my outfit?” Minho’s hands come to rest on Jisung’s shoulder and he has to will his heart to calm down when he stares up the older boy on his lap. Never would he have imagined Minho to be this…what’s the word? Submissive? No. That’s definitely not the case when he nips at Jisung’s ear and pulls their bodies closer, showing prudence from rolling his hips down. He’s got control over him, sure, proof being the way Jisung pants from a mere kiss godammit. He’s inexperienced, you can't blame him –

But he lets Jisung control the pace, whimpers when he pulls Minho’s bottom lip between his teeth and when they pull away, hooded gaze settling on each other, trying to catch their breath, Jisung can tell Minho isn’t used to being this way either – whatever ‘this way’ is.

He didn’t just always know that Minho had a soft corner for him. His literal being was reduced to this soft and vulnerable demeanour around Jisung which always filled him with this need to take care of his hyung - _be_ careful with him- even if the older boy seemed to have his shit together.

“The stylist needs to get a raise,” Jisung swipes his tongue over his front teeth, leaning back and letting his arms fall to the side. Minho looks behind Jisung, just to be sure that no one had caught them at this hour before coming to sit beside him. He senses Minho hesitate for a second before leaning his head on Jisung’s shoulder.

“Why is that?”

“That outfit was probably what caused me to have _an awakening_ ,” he jokes but realises the context would go over Minho’s head who only snorts cutely before twiddling around with the rings on Jisung’s fingers.

“Jisung?” Minho starts and he knows the older boy takes his time to articulate what’s on his mind, so he waits, pressing a soft kiss to the side of Minho’s head. The action makes him croon further against Jisung.

“What do you think of the color _blue_?” Hm. That’s definitely not what he expected but Jisung figures this is just Minho being himself.

“I don’t know. I think it gives me hope I guess.”

“Oh.”

“What?”

“No, usually people attach the color to the feeling, right? Like blue as in _feeling_ _blue_ , January _blues?_ I never understood that. It’s such a warm color. It fills me with warmth I mean,” his voice grows smaller with each word and Jisung almost goes _aww_ but he knows that would only make Minho retract his steps and close up so he chooses to fill the gap before the other beats himself up over it.

“I actually thought about it today. The sky looked so pretty, all the boys and even the crew seemed so beautiful under it, just basking the brightness of the afternoon sun. Sky-gazing is something I’ve always enjoyed even as a kid. It sounds kind of stupid but I love how insignificant it makes me feel. Like you’re just this tiny speck in comparison to the vastness of the sky, of the universe and sometimes it fills me with dread, knowing our existence is pretty inconsequential. I’m not always happy but it’s that small space we occupy in this world that makes me feel more alive, makes me want to live with no regrets. The color blue just adds to it- it’s a pleasant color to look at. It’s pleasant to know my purpose is to - as cliché as it sounds - just seize the day.”

Minho sighs, settling to bite Jisung’s shoulder- a habit of his when he wants to show affection. Jisung brings their interlocked hands to his lips, leaving a peck on Minho’s knuckles and the latter sighs again causing Jisung to chuckle.

“What?” he asks.

“Nothing, I just like listening to you talk, I…uh like your voice, I like you, yeah,” he tries to be nonchalant but stutters.

“I know.”

“I shouldn’t let you have this much power over me. It’s getting to your head,” Minho grumbles.

“Aw, but you like it when I take the lead no?” Minho pulls away rather aggressively, resorting to whack Jisung’s chest. “Why are you hitting me?” Okay, Jisung knows he needs to be quiet but he can’t help it as he laughs out loud.

“Cocky piece of shit. Just shut...up,” Minho seethes.

“Very eloquent, wow. It’s a wonder how you were able to woo me with such words- _mhmm_ ,” Jisung’s teasing is put to a halt when Minho shuts him up efficiently by kissing him hard, hands clutching the collar of Jisung’s t-shirt.

“I never needed words to woo you.” Minho says.

“Agreed. One look at your gorgeous face and those thighs…god, _them thighs-_ that’s all it took to win me over.”

“Do you ever come with an ‘off’ button?” Jisung has an inappropriate joke sitting at the tip of his tongue but he decides against it, choosing to nuzzle against Minho’s neck instead. After a beat or two of silence, Minho moves, straightening once he’d found his words.

“I also don’t want to admit but I kind of have no idea how we’re going to do this. How _does_ this work?” There it is. That’s the real question.

To be honest, Jisung has no idea either but he isn’t scared of his feelings. Maybe it’s the sense of protectiveness that comes over him around Minho but he trusts himself to not do something that would ruin their image in any way but he also wants to stay true to himself so he voices the same.

“Yeah, but people have already caught on to the way we act around each other. I didn’t really intend to be this obvious,” Minho admits then laughs at himself.

“That’s alright. In fact, I think that works in our favour.”

“How?”

“We don’t have to be subtle about it. Yeah sure, I’m not going to kiss you in public but I can take you out on dates, we can go to an amusement park, hold hands, all that shebang and no one’s going to bat an eye because they already know we’re close and the rest of the narrow minded people are just going to peg us for two boys having a _‘strong bond’_ or being _loving bros_ like all the editors enjoy to point out with their subtitles. No one’s going to come at us if we’re careful. We’re not obligated to come out to anyone, either, right? As long as we’re honest with each other… will you promise me that?” Minho nods, gulping at the earnestness in Jisung’s words. He turns his palm over to lace their fingers again.

“We’re playful enough for fans to notice that we don’t mean the shit we say about each other anyway so even if I fed into their notion about us and said yes, we’re dating, they’d probably just think we’re joking.” Jisung doesn’t know where this surge of confidence is coming from.

“Yeah, when you keep telling them that I’m annoying, I almost believed you, thought that I made you uncomfortable, questioned myself and my entire purpose all over again before coming to a conclusion.”

“Yeah, and what’s that?”

“That I don’t care and I’d happily annoy you for the rest of our lives, if you allowed me to.” That’s all the assurance Jisung needs.

“Well isn’t that a future I look forward to.”

_~ - ~_

“Are you sure, this is ‘your’ rock,” Minho asks.

“Who cares? _You’re_ my actual rock, hyung.”

“Disgusting.”

Jisung is pleased with himself before standing up, dusting his legs and taking a look at his work.

Maybe this is the kind of greed that fills Jisung if he were to be removed from the equation of his group and the responsibilities that come with it; maybe this had been the source of his anger, a look into what he’d been missing out on in hopes to pursue his dreams. Others may envy the idol life but moments like these, Jisung imagines what it’d be like if he was with Minho without all the scrutiny, to live a life where their love didn’t come at the expense of everything they’ve struggled to achieve. He’s allowed to complain but he’s not any less grateful. The grass is always greener on the other side. There’s no knowing where their lives are headed when everything seems transient but with Minho beside him, he feels hopeful.

_HJ+LM= future is blue_ , reads the carved letters.

“You’re so cheesy, ugh,” Minho complains, wrapping his arms around Jisung from behind, chin poking into his shoulder. The moment doesn’t last for long. Their stay on the beach doesn’t last for long. Nothing would have started if he continued to act oblivious, and everything would come to an end if he were to give up.

Nothing lasts forever but the impermanence of the world has nothing on Jisung when his love for Minho is literally _set in stone._

(end)

**Author's Note:**

> This is how I assume Minsung or any possible idol couples maturely go about their relationships.  
> Also I got a bit carried away towards the end by low-key turning the shoot into a camping trip lmaooo. Alas, it was short-lived *sigh* 
> 
> Something I always wanted to highlight was the industry and its tactics in promoting the bond between idol-members, then making them do things that are questionable - games you wouldn't make people of the opposite gender play together...it irks me. I know most groups don't have a say but I have a lot respect for the ones that don't hesitate to state that they're not interested to do stuff just to please the fans.
> 
> I could rant about this but I'll stop xD. Lemme know if you've thought about the same or idk, any kind of feedback on the fic is appreciated. <3


End file.
